Late bloomer and somewhere in between

Have you ever been bullied as an ugly-duckling when you were a kid or a teenager? To answer that question, yes I was before.

I remember being teased as “duling” and called names of “dokling” when I was in elementary because my eyes were once like that. I wore very thick eye glasses and I have a very short hair. In short, I’m unpleasant to look at. At least I’m the top student and that’s something I’m most proud of. But certain things are not enough for someone to be that confident about herself.

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Circa 2002, Elementary. (Nog nog ko! Hahaha!)

Sad as it may seems, but bullying is a common thing in school especially in the early stages of education. It was one of the factors why some teenager’s life are horrible as hell. Your self-esteem is the number one victim of it which is one of the most important aspect when you’re establishing yourself during those times. And it can hardly affect your future self.

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Circa 2005-2006, High School. Nene days.

The bullying experience that I’ve had were a bit shallow and not so very serious compare to other kids who were really affected by it. The good thing about my childhood is that I still have gained friends because they say I’m someone who is fun to be with. And probably because I am a good student, someone who is not negligent towards her studies, performs her duties and a good leader, I must say. I’m also very active during my teenage years. I joined contests like singing, dancing, choral interpretation even poster and slogan making. It’s not that I wanted to brag about these things but I just wanna point out that these were my starting points that boosted my self confidence.

Circa 2006-2007, College.

Circa 2006-2007, College.

And then came college, another chapter. My set of mind that time is to just finished my studies for me to be able to help my family. But yeah, college was a roller coaster ride. It was very different from grade school and high school. It has lot of fun and twists to it but it is also something that you should be serious about. As far I can remember, I was not bullied during those times because I don’t care that much as I have only one focus, graduation. When I had my first boyfriend, I started to feel confident about my physical looks. Because (not bragging again), he is a good-looking attractive guy and for him to like me is a big compliment. I am very boyish that time. I wore cap, big t-shirts, loose pants and rubber shoes. Never a girly type not just like now. I guess it’s my personality. The relationship was good and fun because we have so many friends and we’re in good terms with both families. But nothing’s permanent and we separated. Then I graduated, ’twas the biggest accomplishment for me.

Two or almost three years ago, I had my first job. It was a different experience because it is the real world. You must do your tasks dutifully or else you’re not gonna be paid. My workplace has a warm and welcoming atmosphere. The people were all good to me and that’s what made me coped with it easily. When you’re in the corporate world, the impression on you should always be good. So from there, I started to get aware of my appearance and then I bloomed. I began putting on some makeup and wear girly clothes. I also learn to take good care of my skin and body.

But not just on the outside also on the inside. With the influences of the people around me, I discovered a lot of things about myself. My dreams, my goals, my passions. From the kind of movies and music that I watched and listened to, the kind of books and clothes that I read and wear up to my passion in writing and photography, I would like to continue on fulfilling it all, bit by bit.

It gives a sense of fulfillment to know oneself. To know what do you want from not. To know who you are from not. Some may not like you because we can never impress everybody. But the thing is, you must not let others affect you from being yourself, from doing what you want. You know who you are and be proud of that.

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Gandang di mo inakala! Hahaha!

Now I’m happy with who I am and the life I’m living. I’m in good terms with almost everyone. I have a wonderful family, awesome friends, nice job and career, and a handsome-amazing boyfriend (not boasting around, chos!). I still have a lot of things to prove but I feel proud and somehow contented.

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